This blog will explain why ego has no place in leadership, why confidence does and how this applies to your leadership style. Part one discussed why ego has no place in leadership. Part two will explain just how to stop using your ego and start displaying confidence.
Part One, Two and Three are all available to read!
Your confidence, as a leader, will also show in the language you use and connections you make. Imagine yourself on a first date. You take your partner to an intimate dinner, you felt like you were interesting, funny that you had a great time. But your date never calls you again and you cannot think of why. You blame your date and maintain that you are great.
A few months later you see your date again and ask them why they did not call. They explain how you spent the entire date talking about yourself and showing off about how great you were. It was all I, I, I. Your ego took centre stage and needed attention.
Cy Wakeman, author of No Ego and writer for Forbes explains that “having confidence is to have faith in your own abilities and believe in yourself, but the ego is something else, entirely.” Unlike confidence, the ego operates out of self-interest. It seeks approval, accolades and validation at all costs in order to be seen as “right.”
“Egotistical people need attention whereas confident leaders trust in themselves and give their attention to others.”
JT
As discussed earlier for the right behaviour of connection, focus on the other person. This shows confidence. Imagine the same date but this time you focus on the date rather than yourself. You ask them questions about themselves and direct your conversations to what they think and feel. They will think you are great and want another date. Being able to focus on the other person rather than yourself displays confidence that you have enough belief and trust in yourself to not need constant reassurance and attention. That display of confidence over ego makes you likeable.
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Bob Davids, entrepreneur and businessman, speaking at TEDxECSP, said that “when leaders gain support they receive power.” A leader’s job is to control how they use this power. The control of power changes the level of trust from your team. There are two options:
- Keep the power
- Give the power back
Keeping the power is a demonstration of ego as well as a show of insecurities. I remember working with a manager, who we will call Makarov, who despite the successes of the team working under him, he never shared the power. There was a period of a month where Makarov was away ill and a team member, Sofia, stepped up to carry the team forward.
When Makarov returned to work, rather than congratulating Sofia and providing her with additional responsibility (which would make his life easier), he undermined her performance and publicly criticised the positive work. Makarov did not want to feel as if Sofia was doing a better job and perhaps even replace him. Sofia, as well as a few other team members, eventually left to a better role on another project as a result of these bad behaviours from Makarov. Makarov let his ego take centre stage and did not share the power. The trust was destroyed.
Enjoying the value so far? Part three completes this three part blog by wrapping up with exactly what confidence brings you as a leader.
Thanks for reading, JT.
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How to reference this page
Toor, J. (2019). Confidence and ego in leadership, part three. Available at: https://pmgrowth.co/confidence-and-ego-in-leadership,-part-two/
Inspirations
- Cy Wakeman, author of No Ego
- Bob Davids, entrepreneur and businessman