Do you remember that time when you have something to share, but no one was listening? Do you remember how it felt when no one listened when you wanted to share how you truly felt? Do you remember feeling alone when no one would listen? If you’ve ever felt like no one was listening to you, don’t do that to someone else. Learn how to become a great listener instead.
Why you should become a great listener?
I want to share with you how I realised the important of listening. Early on in my career I believed that the correct way to lead was to direct people, because I knew more and I knew the “right” way to do things. Often, I achieved personal tasks, but team tasks failed. As I developed as a leader I realised that this failure was because I wasn’t paying attention to my team’s ideas, feelings and understanding. I was cutting people off in discussions, I was directing meetings without hearing ideas and I wasn’t caring for people. I noticed personally that I wasn’t enjoying this style. It wasn’t me.
I decided to change things. When we had a project/ task to complete, I decided to start asking the team on how they would complete the project and then supporting them in their decisions. I let the team talk first and started to notice things about them. I noticed people who had great ideas, people who didn’t seem themselves, people who we’re open to speaking up, but we’re great at doing and so much more. By listening first I started to learn more than ever about the team. I even started to earn more respect from the team who now seemed more motivated to work together and complete a project that they planned. I also loved this style of leadership!
Listening to others creates so many benefits not only to you, but to all. Here are some benefits that I and others have personally experienced:
- New ideas
- Increased motivation
- Happier
- Greater influence
- Feeling less alone
- Increased care and empathy
- Increased understanding
- Better relationships
As leaders, drawing on the support of others is an important behaviour. Political leaders do the same. There is one candidate who is seen as a leader, one who people will gravitate towards. But that leader does not carry out the campaign alone. They work with and are supported by an entire team. The team gather information, help write speeches and advise the leader on what to wear, say and do. It is important that we do not believe that we are the one and only source when it comes to information. There is an entire support network around us as leaders which we must listen to. Our behaviour must be to close our mouths and open our ears.
“Creativity in a team can be the difference between winning and losing”
JT
We are, and have been for many years, in the information age. A world where information is all around us. With that comes new and creative ways of handling information in the form of diversity. Diversity does not just come in the form of race. Diversity is learning from people with different races, backgrounds, ages, origins and sexes. There is so much intangible creativity around us. As leaders, we must open ourselves up to diversity at all levels and listen to those people. Not just use diversity as a buzzword but actually listen to those people as a wealth of information and creativity.
When we change our behaviours and start listening, a powerful shift happens in the people who we are trying to lead. When people have an opportunity to voice their opinion and feel like their ideas are being listened to, they feel valued. We all have an innate desire to feel valued, to feel needed and want to have worth. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), a leader in psychoanalysis who uncovered methods to make the unconscious conscious, calls this “people’s desire to feel great.” Dale Carnegie (1888-1955), a motivational life changer and writer, calls this the “feeling of importance.” On a side note, Dale Carnegie is someone whose knowledge and value has had a huge influence on my life. When people feel valued they are more committed to the person who sees value in them. They are more motivated to do things for that person. They want to and believe in that person as their leader.
Changing the way we behave to want to listen to others first, changes how we make people feel about us. Listening allows us to make others feel valued, increases trust and allows us to be more informed. Remember, listening is a key behaviour of a leader.
How to become a great listener?
The story above was related to a work environment, but also want to share a story about how listening can even save someone’s mind. Post the transfer from office based to home working, one of my team, who normally in the office would be a high performer, was struggling. I noticed something wasn’t quite right so decided to set up a call. She told me she was fine, but I didn’t say anything. I could hear in her voice she wasn’t fine. So I continued to listen. I then discovered that due to home pressures she was struggling with her mental health. This allow me to put in place actions to help. A couple of weeks later she was back to her normal self and managing her situation much better.
If however, I decided to not listen and take the first answer as the truth, then I don’t want imagine what that may have led too. This is the power of listening.
What to do?
If you want to become a great listener you need to master the following behaviours.
Be open and have no ego
Approach each interaction with no ego. This will allow you to be hear and see what people are saying and doing. It will open you up to new possibilities, relationships and opportunities. Understand that your pride will only hold you back. Be present and ready to listen by putting your conversation first, not your pride/ ego.
Do not judge
Everyone is who they are because of their past and there’s nothing that can be done to change that. Just because someone is different does not make you any better or worse than that person. Truly understanding and believing that you are equal as people will allow you not to judge that person, only listen and help if required.
Speak last and show empathy
Close your mouth and let others talk. Let them share their opinions and feelings then follow up with open questions to show then that you’re listening with care. This will help you form amazing relationships.
Discipline
If you a serious about becoming a great leader then you must remain disciplined. This post on why you need discipline in leadership will explore why.
If you apply the above to any relationship, whether it be with a colleague, friend or loved one, you will see huge progression in your relationship. Remember, communication is essential to building relationships and great listening is a leadership principle that you can apply to your life to see exponential growth in your personal and interpersonal development.
If you took any value from this blog subscribe and share this post with a friend, colleague or loved one. Together we can make a positive impact in people’s lives!
Thank you for reading, JT
