One Secret to Improving Your Relationship

Are you disconnected in your relationship? Are you struggling to have that important conversation? Do you want to change that?

Whether this is a relationship with your partner, your parents, your team or friends, there is one thing that you can do to improve your relationship and connect better.

Before I proceed, be honest with yourself, if you’re not interested in being better connected with the other person then don’t read on. Close this page now. However, if you want to have a stronger, more open, more connected, happier and more engaged relationship, then read on. By doing this one thing you can transform your relationship and build a more constructive one.

I had always been on the cusp of forming real connections with people, but never really breaking that barrier as it was a blocker in my life. I have always been good and talking to people, but couldn’t make the next step. Last year I was part of a communication mastery seminar in which I learnt how I can break that barrier.

After the training I was thinking to myself, well maybe this is just because I am here; does it really apply to the real world? So I tried it, and guess what, it worked. It took practice, but it worked. It allowed me to really connect.

So what is this secret? It’s something that is free, easily accessible and something you can do right now. The secret is presence.

Now, you might read that and think, this is a load of soft nonsense! Presence isn’t going to solve my problem and improve my relationship. Nevertheless, I want you to imagine this scenario regarding you and your partner. During the day you think to yourself that you need to have a really important conversation with your partner.

At the end of the working day you both come home. You’ve had long days and when you get home, you partner asks you about your day, you say “fine”. They then go on to unload all of their day on to you. All of the stress and pain. You then sit in front of the TV whilst having dinner and you suddenly remember that conversation that you want to have. You try to speak to your partner, but they aren’t really listening because you didn’t listen to them, the TV is on and they are comfortable. They judge you or shut you down, and you are left neglected and feeling devalued. Sound familiar? This scenario happens every day.

Now imagine that when you get home and your partner tells you about their day you decide to switch the TV off and listen to them, and I mean really listen. You engage and ask questions. You might even help them see the positive things that happened in their day. Instead of just watching TV you decide to sit at the dinner table and talk. You engage with each other and have a deep conversation.

Now when you have that conversation you are both engaged and your partner listens, they understand your scenario and value your opinion. You are both feeling connected and happier. That is the power of presence.

Presence means that you take that extra one or two minutes and focus on your partner. Don’t be lazy and don’t make excuses. If you seriously want to improve your relationships, then be present in the moment. Note: this will also work with friends, family, colleagues and so on.

The power of presence is a leadership behaviour, that once you adopt into your life you will see drastic change, both in your personal development and interpersonal relationships.

Thank you for reading, JT.