Apathy can destroy your relationship. Displaying leadership behaviours of empathy will help you connect better and build strong relationships. In this blog I will share how to become more empathetic.
A key behaviour of leadership is displaying empathy towards others. Looking back on my younger self I was quite apathetic. I wasn’t completely cold and numb to people’s feelings and beliefs, no, quite the opposite, I could completely appreciate how people felt, but I did nothing about it. So in my opinion, I was displaying apathy rather than empathy. This was a problem as it was stopping me from building deeper and more meaningful relationships. I wanted to change this about myself and did. I attended a communication seminar which allowed me to go on change where my feelings were coming from, and this may sound cheesy, but it worked. I spent time disconnecting from my thoughts and connection with my feelings.
By doing this I continued to feel empathy towards others feelings, but now I would act on it. I would spend more time talking, understanding and listening, rather than assuming. This allowed me to develop deeper connections with others which led to greater levels of influence, which is important as a leader.
How can you become more empathetic?
Reading my story above you may have noticed a key point. I had to disconnect with my thoughts and connect more with my feelings to do what is right.
Feeling the emotion of others, in particular if you have experienced the same emotion, is natural. However, one action that makes us more apathetic towards others is when we think through their process and assume that they are in the same headspace. Although logical thinking is great for problem solving, it may not be what the other person requires right now. Imagine if your friend’s mother has passed away and one hour after the death you say “I understand, but you can move on. It’s best to pack up their belongings”. Doesn’t quite feel right does it?
That is what I have learnt over the years, empathetic behaviours are ones which come from a place of feeling not thought and do what you feel is the right thing to do. For example:
- Is it right to comfort someone after loss, or tell them you don’t have time to talk?
- Is it right to listen to a complaint, or tell them that you’re plan is perfect?
- Is it right to support a child through a dilemma, or ignore them?
What are your next steps?
If, like me, you want to become more empathetic to do what is right, build deeper relationships and connections then here are some steps you can take:
Step 1: Take the time to listen
The first biggest step you can take is to just take a few extra minutes and listen to the other person. This will allow you to truly hear and feel how the other person is and understand better their situation.
On a side note, I believe that one key problem we have in this world is the fact that every single person wants to feel valued and important and they do this by sharing their opinions and stories, but nobody takes the time to listen. This, I believe, is one of the reasons so many people comment of social media, because they just want to be heard.
Stay disciplined in this step and who will see huge changes in your level of influence as a leader.
Step 2: Don’t Judge
Judgement is a display of ego which will shut off any path to forming a deeper relationship. By not judging you create an open space in which the other person can share their feelings and you can openly hear them.
Step 3: Ask questions
By asking open ended questions you will create a space where you allow the other person to speak and express their feelings. Without judgment and with good listening you will create deep and meaningful conversations.
Step 4: Think of negative consequences
Yes I know I said think less, but this is a trick that really helped me to become more empathetic towards others. Think of the negative consequences. What would happen if you didn’t do the above steps or if you did assume and brushed the other person off? Would it lead to a more negative situation for that person? What if you was that person?
By thinking along these lines it helped me in being able to be more open, judge less, ask more open questions and connect more with my feelings rather than always think with my head. Remember that every outcome is based on your decisions so be accountable for them.
Displaying higher levels of empathic is a key leadership behaviour and by bringing this aspect into your life you will see exponential growth in your personal development. An extra bonus of displaying empathy is that you’ll get to understand more about the other person and also yourself. This can help you connect better with you values in leadership.
Thank you for reading, JT
I want to hear from you! What are you biggest leadership dilemmas? Leave a comment below and I will get back to you, write a blog or create a video on it!
