Imagine yourself in a negotiation scenario and there’s all kind of thoughts going through your mind. What are they thinking? Do they like me? Am I sweating? And then you start panicking and overthinking. Do I actually know what I am talking about? Why am I afraid? Are they bored? Sound familiar? I will take that as a yes.
We’ve all been there and all want to improve. We want to avoid being misleading and sound confident. We want to avoid sounding cold and be able to connect. We want to avoid coming across as fake and be trusted as genuine. We want win-wins.
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People partake in many small negotiations every day, from deciding what to wear, what to eat or whether to go out tonight (learn how to be more decisive!). These are personal negotiations and are mostly influenced by internal factors. So in a formal negotiation why do we struggle?
I’m sure everyone can remember the first time they entered a formal negotiation, whether this be an interview, yearly review for their salary, investment meeting or with a client. These types of negotiations are influenced heavily by external factors such as fear of social ramifications, fear of failure, lack of belief in the sell and distraction. The underlying problem being internal fear. The best way to overcome fear is to face it head on.
The following are tips of how to face that fear and approach any negotiation scenario better.
Have an outcome
Almost every conversation is a negotiation as I said earlier. So you need an outcome to aim for. For example, your client has requested a change but feels that the change is your fault and does not want to pay you. You are entering a negotiation. A negotiation where your outcome is to accept the change but only if you receive payment. Their outcome is to not pay you. The conversation will almost always go off tangent so focus on your outcome bring the conversation back towards your goal.
Understand their intention
Spend the time to prepare and understand what they want, because often it may differ to what they actually need. The want is often based on emotion rather than logic. If you do your research to understand their situation then you will be in a stronger position. If you understand the want and need you can appeal to both.
I recall a negotiation with one of my old clients where they wanted a change to lights on the project as they believed they didn’t look good. I was aware that this was a want, not a need to deliver the project which was already under pressure. So my outcome of the negotiation was to minimise the cost and time impact and also meet the quality requirement. After a few back and forth exchanges we agreed on altering the brackets which appeal to their want of design, rather than the entire lights which met our need of reducing project delay. The cost was small, around £500, compared to £1000s. The client was happy. I was happy. Win-Win.
Create win-win scenarios
Almost every negotiation will end up in a compromise. Compromise is key in order to secure a win-win. Be flexible enough with your offer to give and take a little. Your aim is to ensure that the compromise is close to your outcome but also creating a win-win scenario.
I recall a heated discussion I had early in my career when trying to ‘get’ an engineer to do a task a certain way as he was making slight errors (a negotiation). I couldn’t get through to him so I sat down with my manager as asked how he would do it. He said “Make it easy for him”. So I tried again, and this time I took a more relaxed approached and explained how doing it this way will save him time and effort. I also offered to give up my time to coach him through it.
I led him through the process which resonated with him. He then went on to do the task the way I needed him too and he also saved himself time and effort. Win-Win.
Emotion, desire and social standing
The majority of decisions people make are emotional. During a negotiation you are essentially selling your proposal. Robert B. Cialdini, in his national best-selling book Influence the Psychology of Persuasion, explains that feelings play a bigger part in selling that logic [1].
If you can appeal to people’s emotions and desire you are more likely to succeed in selling your proposal. The same applies to social standing. People also tend to make decisions which will improve their perceived social standing. For example, if your client has a public image to maintain then selling a position of better public perception may allow them to be more open towards investing more money.
A key example of this is the skyscraper boom in Dubai. The boost to public image for having the most luxurious and unique skyscraper creates a perceived higher social status and benefit over the cost.
Thank you for reading, JT.
Read Part Two to learn more and take your personal development and leadership ability to the next level!
How to reference this page
- Toor, J. (2019). How to negotiate better, part 1? Available at: https://pmgrowth.co/how-to-negotiate-better,-part-1?
References
- Cialdini, R.B. (2007). Influence The Psychology of Persuasion. Harper Business Publishers.