Imagine you have taken lead of a new team. You have the knowledge, you have the skills, you know what behaviours to exhibit, but the team will not listen to you because you are not assertive enough to stand out. It does not matter how amazing you are because if you cannot assert your position, you will fade into the background, you will struggle to stand out and you will not achieve your outcome. You know that you need to be more assertive, but you do not want to come across as aggressive. You want to be respectful; you want to be respectfully assertive.
There are two types of assertive people in the work place:
- The aggressive manager
- The respectful leader
We all know the aggressive manager. This is the person who demands respect. This is the person who tells the team what to do without even knowing their names first. This is the person who will lose employees because they come across as bullish and aggressive. This is the manager who will struggle to inspire and lead their team.
“In order to earn respect, you must first give it and build a connection”
Jas Toor
The respectful leader is leagues above the aggressive manager. It only takes a few weeks for the respectful leader to make a difference. The team listen to and respect the directions given by the leader. The respectful leader receives respect in any meeting or situation and can create a positive outcome. The team look to the respectful leader who asserts direction, instruction and their position with ease. Why are they different? How does the leader do this? What does the leader do differently? Part one will look into why. Part two will go on to explain how and what.
Leaders are different to managers and are able to quickly assert themselves within a new team because they first take the time to listen, understand and connect. For example, I once worked on a project team of around ten people and a new manager, Sarah (not a real name), arrived and quickly started giving out orders. Sarah’s first action was to criticise what had happened before, and to tell the team beneath her (me being one of them) that we have not been performing well enough and that “we must do it her way.” The result, as you can imagine, was that we all ignored her orders and did not care much for her tactics. We continued to do as we always did and did not improve much.
Whereas, in a different team on a larger project, I was given the opportunity to lead a new team. Within a month or so I had quickly begun to assert myself on the team and the project. I was seen as the leader, not just for my team, but the other teams around us.
This is because I learnt what not to do. I used my experience and behaved differently. I took to time to understand who my team were and what they were doing. I listened to their complaints and their blockers. I took the time to connect with them personally. I treated them with respect and provided guidance. Things quickly changed for the positive within the team and project.
That is why being a respectful leader makes you more assertive than being an aggressive manager. Leaders do not just know what to do, they do it. It is up to you to decide who you want to be.
Read part two to learn how and what you need to do to become respectfully assertive.
Thank you for reading, JT.
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How to reference this page
- Toor, J. (2019). How to be respectfully assertive, part one? Available at: https://pmgrowth.co/how-to-be-respectfully-assertive,-part-one?/