If you have never experienced the feeling of ‘a kick in the teeth’, let me explain. Imagine joining a project at a relatively low level, pouring 4 years of energy and effort in to delivery success, success that has brought you multiple promotions and now put you in a senior position. You have built yourself up to become a figure head for the project after a track record of success. You are leading a large team and still a key figure in the delivery team. You are well-respected and are always the go to figure. Then, after 4 years your manager pulls you aside and tells you “the project doesn’t see the benefit you bring to the project”. That is a kick in the teeth and that is what happened to me. So how did I deal with this bombshell?
I want to make something clear, I am not sharing this because I feel like complaining or need a place to vent, I am sharing this because I am not the only person this has happened too and nor will I be the last. Perhaps, the way I dealt with the situation can help you if you are or ever do go through the same thing.
My initial internal reaction was, well, “F*ck you. Deliver the rest of the project yourself”. But, this wasn’t the best thing to say.
So I went away and thought about it I thought about how I can control this and not let my emotion get the better of me. Of course, I was frustrated, angry and disappointed, but I needed to do exactly what I preach. I talked through my steps of why I am feeling like this and how I can overcome this problem.
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I could’ve gone back in the next day and exploded in rage. This, however, would have worsened the situation. Instead, I didn’t allow myself to because a slave to my emotions, I decided to control them. This way, I was able to take the next step.
Confidence not ego
Rather than explode, I had to control my emotions by fully understand why that decision had been made. Have I been failing in one area that I was unaware of? Was my behaviour becoming complacent? So, I had an open and honest conversation. This allowed me to understand that the situation was not personal. In fact, a person who has no idea of the project operations is just looking to cut numbers and my name was chosen. Whether that was true or not didn’t really matter. What it made me realise is that I have a choice in the situation, I can let my ego shine, or my confidence.
If I let my ego shine I would’ve complained and boasted about how much of an asset I am and that they would struggle without me. But, that’s not me. That’s not my style. Instead (more my style), I let confidence shine. I spoke to my manager and discussed opportunities outside of the project. This way, I am creating my own doors to walk through rather than digging myself a ditch.
Remember, within the three core areas of a leader under Right Behaviours is Confidence not ego. In this situation I could either chose to behave like a leader and display confidence by accepting the change, learning from the situation and moving forward. Or, I could have displayed my ego and damaged my reputation. I had to remind myself that the choice is always mine, just as the choice is always yours. Your decisions shape your reality. Remember that.
In the end, all of those feelings of frustration and disappointment still remained (I am human), but I didn’t let control me. I controlled them and rather than letting this situation be bad for me, I created an opportunity. I lived my values as an authentic leader. This was a learning curve where I had to display expert levels of Emotional Intelligence, exhibit the critical behaviours of a leader and take my personal development to the next level.
I hope that can help you one day, if not now as it definitely helped me reframe my situation!
Thanks for reading, JT.
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